The Reversed Order of Love

In today’s spiritual and cultural landscape, phrases like “shoot your shot” refers to someone directly expressing romantic interest or asking someone out. For a while, the art of shooting one’s shot especially from Christian young women has become normal. But as Christians seeking to live out God’s will, a central question arises:

Is it biblical for a woman to proactively pursue a man?

Is It Biblical for a Lady to “Shoot Her Shot”?

This article is an attempt to present a Comprehensive Christian Perspective on this subject. To do that, we would explores the question thoroughly by drawing on Scriptures, theological traditions, biblical examples, and Christian courtship principles with clarity, balance, and biblical honesty.

In the present generation, we have observed the lethargic and incorrigible attitude displayed by ladies in the matters of relationship, love. This indiscrete act has resulted in a new pattern the world call 'shoot your shot'. Going by this, ladies are no longer aligned to the established order of love laid by God in Genesis.  This article is written to call back the attention of our young single ladies to the original plan of God when he established the order of love, companionship and intimacy between man and woman.

This concern about the issue of love exists because we understand that marriage is an important institution God initiated and He therefore put in place, a model path that others should follow using Adam and Eve(the first man and woman).

What is the Original order of Love?

In scriptures, the original order of love is. Let us also analyse how this order has been reversed and know the mind of God for ladies. Genesis 2:18-19 records that the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him/ Then, out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof." In verse 18, God displayed his affection and concern of man being alone. He knew that Adam needed a companion to stay with. There was a need for someone who would accompany man and make man feel less lonely. This means , man needed a lover.

     Genesis 2:18b; 

         "I will make a helper suitable for him."

    Here, the Lord called it ezer in Hebrew - Help/aid/rescuer. In the next verse, God went further to carry out an experiment we will be analysing.

The Experiment

    God brought all the living creatures he made and brought them to man. Why? Because he had a task at hand - To find a suitable (perfect) mate for Adam. God proceeded to observe that Adam gave name to all the animals but still none was fit for Adam. There was no sync with the animals.

    Notice that, if Adam had connected to any of the animal, then that would have been the suitable helper. Also note that, Adam didn't give the name woman to those animals.

    So we can say, if  he called lion woman then today, we will be mating with lions. 

Genesis 2:21-24  

    "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." (KJV)

    "God observed that Adam didn't choose any of the animals. This prompted the creation of Eve. God caused Adam to sleep and made her."

    This is where the order of love was established. 

    In verse 22, God brought Eve to Adam like he did with the animals and he never voiced to man that he used his ribs, but something thrilling happened.

    Adam sighted Eve and said " This is now my bone of bones". Also, observe the word he used 'now'. It is like saying, God this one you brought is the one I like and accept and she is my bone of bone, flesh of flesh. It was revealed to Adam without God telling him that she was made out of him.

This led to verse 25; 

      "This is why a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

     Hallelujah! This is the order of love established by God. A man shall be the one to recognize that the lady is his wife and she completes him. But, it is so sad, that this order has been reversed.

The Reverse

Ladies have forgotten that it is the man that should approach/chase/woo . They have stooped so low , ignoring this order God made. They are performing the role a man should by chasing, begging for love, listing all their body attributes in a bid to get loved.

  This is where the order of love got reversed. It was Adam who accepted Eve and called her woman, so ladies should allow a guy chase them and accept, that she is 'his'.

     Ladies stop using "shoot your shot" to go out of the plans of God for you. You want love, then stick to the order and it will find you. You were made to be accepted by the man God has for you. You shouldn't beg for attention because Eve didn't. Eve was in position and Adam did everything.

     This is God's call to our ladies, stop conforming to the world's pattern. Esther, unlike other virgins didn't ask for facial treatments, skin treatments or all. She understood this order and knew who she was as a woman. All she needed was to be appear before the king and he was hers. She didn't beg for attention or love. She didn't chase or woo. All she did was exhibit the godly aura. She followed the modeled path laid by God.

      It is the will of God that you are brought before your king and be accepted. It is the plan of God that you both should become one. He has a perfect plan for you and the arrangements has been made. You don't need to beg for what is yours.

Deborah didn't beg, Racheal didn't, Ruth didn't.

Take a look at Leah, she experienced the reversed side of love. Laban saw that Jacob was attracted to Racheal his younger daughter, but duped him by marrying Leah to Jacob. Because there was no acceptance, Leah experienced the reversed orderof love. Although the Lord had blessed her with children because he sympathized with her situation which isn't  his intentions for ladies, she never received love.

There is an order of love, so godly sisters stick to this order and you will find agape love . The love of God in the man he has prepared to love you.

Below is a rewritten, comprehensive, and high-authority article that synthesizes the content from your draft, the linked article, and every major theological and biblical perspective available online on the topic:

1. What the Bible Does Teach About Relationship Initiation

a. Scripture Doesn’t Contain a Direct Command About Dating

The Bible does not contain a verse that explicitly says “women must not ask men out” or “only men may initiate.” Dating, in the modern sense, didn’t exist as it does today in the ancient world of Scripture. In biblical times, romantic unions were often arranged, mediated by families, or governed by cultural norms—not by casual introductions or contemporary “dating” expectations.  

This means there is no explicit prohibition on women initiating romantic interest or expressing attraction to a man.

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2. Biblical Patterns That Inform Christian Practice

While there’s no direct command, the Bible does provide patterns that influence how Christians think about male-female relationships.

a. Genesis and Leadership Roles

In Genesis 2, God creates Eve as a companion for Adam. Adam recognises her as “bone of my bones” and she becomes his partner.  

Some Christians interpret this narrative as a model for relationship roles—that men often take visible initiative because they are portrayed as leaders in how they engage with women.

This aligns with the complementarian perspective, which sees men and women as equal in worth but different in roles—especially in the family and relational context. Men are often encouraged to love, lead, and pursue with intentionality (e.g., Ephesians 5:25). 

3. The Argument for Men Taking the Lead

Many Christian authors and resources teach that:

• Men initiating courtship or direct pursuit reflects biblical customs of seeking a spouse with intention, not casual emotional flings.  

• Initiation by men has been linked to the idea of leadership and protection, reflecting Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church (Ephesians 5).  

• In biblical narratives like Boaz and Ruth, Boaz—a man—ultimately takes decisive action and responsibility for marriage.  

Note: These patterns emphasize leadership, intentionality, and spiritual clarity—not necessarily cultural restrictions.

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4. What About Women “Shooting Their Shot”? Four Nuanced, Biblical Principles

While tradition often assumes that men take the lead, deeper and broader biblical scholarship shows that women are not relegated to passivity:

Principle 1 — Women Have Agency and Responsibility

The Bible consistently treats women as moral agents capable of wise action:

• Deborah leads Israel as a judge and prophet (Judges 4–5).

• Ruth expresses her interest clearly and respectfully to Boaz (Ruth 3–4).

• Women like Priscilla, Phoebe, and others serve influential roles in the early Church.

This indicates that women can take initiative in ways that honour God and respect others.

Principle 2 — Initiative Should Be Rooted in Godly Intentions, Not Cultural Pressure

Whether a woman expresses interest shouldn’t be judged by cultural pattern alone, but by spiritual maturity:

💡 A woman can indicate interest in a way that:

• Honors the other person

• Respects boundaries

• Seeks wisdom and accountability

• Is clear about intent toward something serious, not casual

This aligns with biblical values like purity, respect, and intentional relationships.  

Principle 3 — Mutual Pursuit Can Be Biblical

Christian courtship emphasises partnership.

Some ministries affirm that while men often initiate, women can actively participate by:

• expressing interest politely

• engaging in prayerful conversation

• inviting meaningful connection once mutual respect is clear

This approach still honours biblical values without making rigid demands that Scripture never makes.  

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Principle 4 — Men Should Lead with Love, Not Dominance

Leadership in biblical relationships isn’t about control but servanthood:

Ephesians 5 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church—with sacrifice and humility. 

Initiation in pursuit is not about power but responsibility, patience, respect, and self-giving love.

What’s the Reversed Order of Love?

Some teachings argue that women initiating a relationship by “shooting their shot” violates a supposed “original Biblical order.” This reversed order of love is interpreted to assume that God designed men to be the pursuers and that women must always wait passively - asides this, any other pattern is “reversed.”

However, this is not a clear Biblical command. It arises from interpretation, not explicit Scripture.

Modern Christian interpretation increasingly recognises:

• There is no command forbidding women from expressing interest.

• Initiation and mutual consent can coexist with biblical leadership and respect.

• Courtship is not the same as ancient marriage arrangements.

Conclusion

I want to end this article by sharing what is truly Biblical. From all we have discussed so far, it is clear that the Bible does not expressly say that “a woman must never pursue a man.” Instead God’s word calls all believers - men and women alike, to pursue God first, and to pursue relationships with integrity, intentionality, and mutual respect. So it’s logical to conclude that whether a woman expresses interest in someone isn’t in itself unbiblical. What matters most is that:

• The pursuit is anchored in godly wisdom
• It honors the other person’s dignity
• It points toward marriage, not casual dating
• It reflects the love of Christ

Ultimately, Christian relationships shouldn’t be about cultural catchphrases like “shoot your shot,” but about pursuing one another with purity, clarity, and a heart aligned with God’s will.