Christian Fiction: "...Thinketh no Evil"

As I wrapped my arms around him, I felt an electric wave rush down my spine. I had never felt this way or expected to feel this way with anyone.

My 25 years of existence were basic. I am a church girl from a decent background. My both parents being pastors had made it difficult not to like church. Even when hunger ripped my stomach apart, there was no option to go home, immediately after the church services so the church gradually became our home; my siblings and me. Growing up, I sang in the choir and although I wasn't born again, I loved everything that happened in church. I later had an encounter with Jesus and fell deeply in love with Him. I moved from just a random church girl to a lover of Jesus. The activities I did in the church that I loved so much, moved from being routine to carrying so much weight on my heart. My zeal, passion, and undeniable love soon earned me names such as "Jesus' girl", "Omo Jesu", "Spiricoco" and so many more.

In my quest and search for Jesus, I came to understand and learn about sexual purity. I purposed in my heart not to defile myself. I wasn't a soft girl after all so I knew it was never going to happen that I would let my guard down for anyone. But here I was with a man, wrapping his arms around me and sending electric waves down my whole body. My legs felt wobbly. As he proceeded to kiss my forehead, my feet began to wobble. At any moment, I was going to lose it.

The sensations I was having all over my body made me feel loved and wanted but I know I am in trouble. I started this relationship with Brother Mathew some months ago. I told him I will pray and seek convictions but he persuaded me saying we could start something while awaiting our convictions. He is a fireful man of God. His visions and prophecy are always accurate. He fills people with the Holy Spirit easily. Praying for 12 hours has become a joke to him. He is sent directly from God. What else did I want? I've always loved God and wanted someone that will spur me to do better. I was glad he even considered me a wife. I barely had either a "word life" or "prayer life". Speaking in tongues might have been my greatest achievement in this journey.

Our relationship started a week after he had asked me out at a fancy restaurant, where we ate Chinese food. I almost threw up but I had to act as if I enjoyed it. I couldn't risk losing the rib of my ribs. We began talking on the phone throughout the day and even overnight. Sometimes I fell asleep with the phone to my ears as he spoke words into our beautiful future. My friends caught me smiling on several occasions. I caught my heart wandering to him many times. He had the right words to say to me each time. Soon, everyone knew we were a thing.

One evening, after we had dinner, we decided to take a walk and he held my hands tightly. It felt good. I had never felt something like this before. As we walked, I felt something urging me to draw closer to him and I did. He was soon wrapping his arms around me. Soon he tried to kiss me and I suddenly jerked back. From the little knowledge I had, any youthful lust was to be fled from. He soon tried that on different occasions. He convinced me that it was okay as long as we would get married one day. One day as in fact, next year.

He began to fondle me on different occasions. I became weaker every day. I could not even remember when last I had a sensible conversation with my God. I knew I was wrong. I was doing something the normal me wouldn't even do at 18 years. Now at 25, I had let my guard down totally in the guise of keeping a husband-to-be.

I decided to talk to God. My weakness was being vulnerable to God. I spoke to God about everything just like I will talk to my mother. I told him everything from how the relationship was birthed down to how I had messed up. Although I didn't get an immediate answer from God, I felt refreshed. I prayed for forgiveness and slept off while praying on my knees. I woke up the whole day feeling very energetic and ready to end the relationship. I sat up to look at the sound from my phone. It was a beep that remained for the scripture of the day from my devotional Bible. I would normally swipe it away but when I swiped it open, it was:

1Cor.13.5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

1Cor.13.6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

This was the true definition of love and how God had intended it to be. But here I was wallowing in whatever I had and was doing with Bro Matthew because it was not loved.

The way I felt weak around Matthew would lead to me laying down my pride just to keep him. I avoided his calls throughout and even avoided checking his WhatsApp messages. I needed to gather every strength I needed to talk to him.

I slept feeling strong and happy. I knew I was about to make the right decision and I could not even feel hurt for a second. Although I had longed to get married at 25, I wasn't going to let down my God for a man. God would send me a man that would hold hands with me and help me glorify him in every way and would love me rightly.

I knew all these and more but here I was again with Matthew. My knees wobble like jelly. I fahim again and now, I don't know what to do or say. I just replied his " I love you so much babe" with a fake giggle and a long "awwwwnnnnnnn" to spice it up. But I must get out of this shackle. Tolu, how did you get here? Where do I go?? What do I do?? Help!!

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