Christian Fiction: You can't Win Like this..

Tioluwanimi - the one who belongs to God.

My mum called days ago when I was driving. It wasn't her usual "how are you? Hope everything is okay" conversation. It was something different. Something special.

"How is it going?"

My mum never asks anyone such question. I knew what she was talking about but giving her a response was what I wasn't ready for. I stammered at first because the words hung in my throat. I was just coming from another unsuccessful session with my therapist of two years. Two years of sitting before her, answering questions. Two years of going back and forth on the same topic with no feasible solution.

"Mummy mi, I'm tired."

That should be enough response for her because I packed all my troubles, agony, stress, frustration and sorrow in them. 

Mummy was quiet. Quiet, but that didn't mean she was confused. She was quiet because she wanted more. She wanted me to talk to her. And I did. I told her everything about how I had been repeating the cycle for more than two years and yet, nothing promising showed forth. It was tiring going to see a therapist for a problem that just defies all solutions. It was tiring to be on and on about a topic which I really wanted to be free from.

Read: Biography of Pastor Oladelemi Philip Olubakin 

My mum knew of my pornography addiction before I left the country. In fact, she was the first person in my family to know that truth and she supported my decision to get therapy. I thought it would help. I had tried a lot of things - determination, porn calendars, notes, journaling - but none had shown forth anything good. I cried silently because I remembered that I just had another porn session at my place two nights ago. It was that tiring.

"Tioluwanimi, you have tried. You have shown great efforts to be free from this shackles. But, have you tried God?"

God again! 

This same topic again!

"Mummy mi, I don't think it can work with God" I screamed. "I mean, I am getting professional help here"

"Help? Which is not working?", She retorted 

"Don't you think it's high time you left your strength and turned to God? It may sound shallow and cheap but try God. I told you the story of your birth, I told you the story of your name. I told you the story of your left eye. If you don't remember any other thing, remember the meaning of your name and how you got it. Remember, Tioluwanimi."

You can't win addictions with physical efforts alone. Does that mean you should not seek help? No. Please, get help. Go for therapy if you want. Go for counseling sessions but always remember that the journey becomes more easier when God is involved. 

Hand over to Him. You have tried already. To your determination to be free from sexual addictions, add God.

Unleavened.