What to do when you Keep Falling into the same sin

I was born into a Christian family but that didn’t automatically stop sin. My dad was a pastor but that didn’t stop sin from encroaching into my doorsteps. But how exactly did it start?

It all began in the church. It was the end of a very beautiful service and everyone was engrossed in one meeting and the other leaving the teenagers all to themselves. Then, one of us brought out his phone, it was a surprise to us because having a phone was a big deal then. We jubilated like it was a treasure. He then spoke of a very interesting video and I was itchy to see it (I never knew it would cost me years of my freedom), finally he showed us this video and it was adult content, it was brief but something entered into me that day.

I couldn’t tell my parents, and unfortunately, that was how I continued to water the seed after it was planted into my life.

remember this before we proceed “sin thrives at best in the secret”. Many days later, I was alone as the popular proverb says ‘an idle man is the devil’s workshop’, I was idle and there appeared the image right before my eyes like a television screen playing in my head, the image of intimate couples. At that point, the one I watched from that guy’s phone wasn’t enough, I harbored in my heart that when I get a phone, I’d search for the site to watch those videos. I was in Junior secondary school 2 (jss2) then and I waited till I got to Senior secondary school when my parents would get me a phone but while I was waiting, guess what I was doing, I was nourishing the seed by being in the company of bad friends. 

Let’s see this scripture.

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

If you look at this scripture critically, you will see that it started with ‘do not be deceived’ Apostle Paul was talking about people that are corrupt. Basically, they are church people who does not believe in the resurrection of the dead and were calling Apostle Paul ‘a bad influence’ for speaking the truth to those who were still uncorrupted. The corrupt people were saying there’s nothing like the resurrection from the dead negating the fact that Jesus resurrected from the dead, while we have those who are listening and enjoying these false teachings, Apostle Paul had to tell them the bitter truth, ‘do not deceive yourself if you think that you can’t be corrupted by what these people are doing or saying because bad company corrupts good moral, some version says “evil communication corrupts good manners.” 

Scripture says: “Flee every appearance of evil”

Imagine you have a basket of perfect, fresh apples (your character). You put one rotten, molded apple (bad influence/false teaching) in the middle. What happens? Does the good apple make the rotten one fresh? No. The rotten apple makes all the good ones moldy. That’s what Paul means. You can't hang out with people who drag you away from Jesus and expect to remain untouched.

You don’t walk in their congregation, you don’t stand with them neither do you sit with them Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 1:1KJV

How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers! Psalm 1:1 HCSB

That was my case.

I wanted to belong to the top groups in my school, I don’t look like them but I wanted to be like them.

I started listening to demonic songs that served as portals for demonic spirits to enter into me nurturing the seed of pornography that was already deposited into me. This opened the door for the spirit of lesbianism into my life.

Remember, it started from a harmless video and is growing into many branches. 

By the time I entered SS1, the demonic appetite in me has grown very large and I couldn’t wait to have my personal phone and space (mind you, my parents who are pastors are always on the journey traveling for missionary cause so I was alone though I had younger brothers who plays together but I was the only girl so I was alone so I thought). 

Finally, I had my phone and the first thing I did was to download those demonic songs my friends do sing in school on my phone and search for the site that will feed my appetite. I thought in my heart, ‘I will start and stop with one video’ but it didn’t end there, I kept feeing my eyes, feeding my thoughts, feeding my spirit but still, i was not satisfied, the demonic cravings became larger.

I became restless because the demonic cravings in me wanted more.

Then one day, a pastor preached in church about heaven and hell, I answered the salvation call, cried and said ‘I will never watch pornography again’. I deleted the music audios, videos and wiped off the history on my web browser, stayed aloof from my friends but didn’t cut off from them.

A few days after, I was on facebook and a naked video popped up, I shook, quickly swiped it away but the drawings were there, I was hungry and thirsty for it.

Then I said, ‘one video won’t hurt’. But it didn’t stop, I kept feeding my eyes then I grew into reading erotic novels and began to imagine the sexual contents in them and I would get wet.

Get Fed up

Deep down in me I was tired of doing all these but I couldn’t help myself.

This went on and on then one day after feeding my spirit with pornographic contents, I wept because I found no desire in it anymore but I couldn’t stop. I cried to God and was asking, “God, why can’t you help me stop committing these sins over and over again? I want to serve you and live for you. I don’t want to go to hell.” The fear of hell was so strong in my heart, the answer I got was this, “I can’t help you until you help yourself”

Then I asked again, “What do I do?” in tears

Do not Hide Your Sin

It was at this point I heard the words, loud and clear, “go and tell your mum”

As soon as I heard this, my heart raced a million beats per minute. It felt like a death sentence. I was almost losing it until I shouted out loud, “I can’t do it, my mummy will kill me”

It felt like there was the visible presence of a being in the room. I then heard a gentle voice saying, “Sin thrives in the secret, bring it out in the open by being accountable to your mother. Whosoever covers his sin shall not prosper”

H added “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” And there he went silent.

You might be wondering how can I hear or know that God is speaking to me.

That voice that speaks whenever you want to do bad things, that scripture that drops, that pastor’s voice you hear, that evangelist that preaches in your street voice that pops into your spirit is the spirit of God trying to beckon on you to come closer. Sometimes, He uses circumstances to speak to you and you would definitely know the sign is from God.

I summoned courage in tears and went to meet my mum in the kitchen and told her I wanted to see her and she gave me her ears, that was what broke me down in tears finally. I felt naked and ashamed.

She allowed me to cry my heart out and patted my back and told me things I would share with you today and more by the level of knowledge I have gathered these years in my walk with God.

Admit your Powerlessness

You don’t have power over sin. No, you don’t have the ability to stop sinning. God knows this and that was why He sent Jesus to come and die for you and I so we can live in liberty away from the shackles of sin. Let me explain in a way you’d understand better. When Adam sinned, the devil locked every man in prison then Jesus came as a replacement and gave us freedom so we are no a slave to sin because Jesus has paid it all. The power over sin can only be gotten in Jesus so if you haven’t fully surrendered your life to Him, then the devil will keep oppressing.

Engage the Grace of God

God’s grace is made available for us when we sin. 

“Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.” Hebrews 4:16 AMP

According to the above scripture, when we sin, let us come fearlessly, confidently, and boldly draw near to the throne of grace, why? To receive mercy for our failures. There is a throne of grace that has mercy for failures you just have to draw near it. Now after receiving mercy, we also find a type of grace to help in good time FOR EVERY NEED. So, all you have to do is to genuinely come before the throne of grace to receive mercy for your failures, that is, that same sin you fall into over and over again and not stop there but also cry to find grace to overcome that sin.

Draw Boundaries

Now that you’ve engaged the available grace of God to overcome sin, don’t say because you are praying for grace you won’t draw boundaries. No! There is a place of discipline. You draw boundaries, avoid friends that can cause triggers, avoid social media, avoid listening to secular music. Find your triggers and be disciplined to avoid them.

Be Accountable to Someone

Find someone you spiritually respect and can listen to you and be accountable to them. They would serve as your watchman to keep you on track.

Study Scriptures

Study the Bible regularly and learn the act of prayer. Start small, don’t pressure yourself but be consistent with it.

Get a bible-based church to attend and fellowship with them. Join a service unit and let your love for God and the things of God increase.

I believe if you are intentional about this, you will find your deliverance. I hope to hear your testimonies.