A part of me

A lot of things got destroyed in my formative years as a child , a lot of sad scenes , tragic chapters informed my mindset about almost everything . About family , love , men , dreams , success . I remember now those years in Lomé , kofi paanu as a child we’re dark days often , dark because things were not Right with me and no one saw it and even if I had said how I felt I thought no one would understand me , my pain , my struggles and my questions . Those days were the days that made me concluded that God was dead and even if he was alive , he doesn’t really care about a lot of us because he has a lot of things going on for him and probably we are to plenty for him to handle . I grew up to always be in charge of my life to believe I could  never be secured if I don’t protect myself , to believe that some part of me are damaged and nothing is going to change that . 

2017, I found Christ or rather he found me in the lowest point of my life and the journey began and for a while I thought I had faith , I thought I trusted God to take good care of me , to help me out of all my fears . I would sing in church about how much he is everything to me and how much have laid everything on the alter but that was all a lie and a pretense because deep down in my heart I believed that probably God is not all that powerful and he couldn’t fix everything that went wrong with me , my family and all . I was scared to talk to him about some part of me because I was tired of getting dissapointed all over and all over again , because I was tired of crying and breaking things just because they seen not to be working out so I gave him a part of me to handle while I tried to figure out the others myself in pain and dejection . 

This resurrection life you received from God 

Is not a timid grave tending life , it is adventurous life , it is expectant , greeting God with a child like what’s next ? Romans 8:15(msg) 

This passage didn’t make no sense to me the first time I read it until recently just like some seeds of the sower got choked , some grew , some fell on the footpaths and got stepped on over time therefore affecting the growth of the seeds ,I refused  to allow the word of God heal some part of me because of fear , forgetting the fact that Jesus came to give me abundant life which includes every lost damaged area .  Which part are we holding back , which part of us do we  think God can’t do nothing about . Is it family , money , life partner , emotional needs ? Jesus died for the whole of us , our good bad and ugly and until you allow him take full charge somethings won’t change. 

I was hiding a part of me from him because I thought less of God , I thought he came to heal some part and left some part dead . I was scared of giving him a chance , much more I wasn’t sure if Truly I could talk to him about anything like 1john 5:14 says . It is about time we come to terms to who God is to us and his promises about making us whole . The promise God is wholesome 

The thief come only to steal and kill and destroy but I have come that they may have life and have it to the full . John 10:10( NIV)