Finding Forgiveness: 5 Things Forgiveness will Do to Your Heart

The Dictionary defines forgiveness as the act of “pardon; to waive any negative feeling or desire for punishment, retribution, or compensation". Also, Psychology defines forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to let go feelings of resentment and vengeance towards a person or group who has hurt you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. The next query of a psychologist is the question of how individuals can find happiness in forgiveness.


Finding Forgiveness: 5 Things Forgiveness will Do to Your Heart

When someone wrongs you, you might feel certain you’ll never be able to get over it. Even after your immediate anger passes, you might continue to dwell on the betrayal instead of letting it fade into memory. It’s common to feel this way, but being unable to forgive can harm you most. 

You don't need to keep grudges. When you hold a grudge in your heart against someone, the first person you are harming is yourself. Grudges are like poisons and they are never friendly- not even to the ones carrying them. Poisons don't recognize friends or foes. The danger of this poison is that it will start to spread in your heart, seize control of the gates of your imagination, emotions, and reasoning, and then taint your sense of judgment. If it remains for an extended period, it opens a portal for a demon to come in and sit on your inside; and you gradually feed the monster in your heart.

Although harboring resentment makes you feel powerful, it actually indicates weakness and small-mindedness. In some cases, a demon will even say, "She/He is the one who offended you; he/she should be the one to talk about it instead of you," or "She should know that she offended you, don't mind her." News flash: People can hurt you without even realizing it, and while you're feeding the monster in your heart, the offender is blissfully unaware and doing just fine. It doesn't matter if the person is at fault, stop what you are doing right now and give them a call or message. Instead of calling to lay blame or try to make a point, call to express your heart.

This forgiveness issue also happens in our relationship with God. You might have done something wrong in the past and you're so ashamed of yourself. You may consider yourself unfit and filthy to approach God; looking down on yourself and regarding yourself as nothing. While this sometimes happens even after you've asked for forgiveness from God, you must know that in order to free yourself completely and find forgiveness from God, you must forgive yourself first. You cannot feel guilt before going to ask God for forgiveness, and then you leave His presence feeling like He hasn't forgiven you. The Bible says in 1st John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness".

You may feel that God has not forgiven you because you think your sin is too big for him to forgive you just like that. But that is wrong. It's the devil trying to make you feel insecure and feel guilty. Immediately you fall into sin and you realize, as soon as you ask for forgiveness, “He is faithful and just to forgive you your sins". Just believe it. Do not doubt it.

If you're finding forgiveness from God, forgive yourself first because you're human. Whether or not you fell into sin intentionally, immediately you realize that, acknowledge your human nature and ask for forgiveness from God. Do not sit blaming yourself for what has happened. Forgive yourself and ask God to forgive you. It's there in His word. He will forgive you. 

You can make a decision and conscious effort to not fall into sin and you can also pray for the help of the Holy spirit to keep you from falling. Jude 1:24-25 says

[24]Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

[25]To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Forgiveness might seem challenging, in part because it’s often misunderstood. You might believe forgiving someone means:

  • Forgetting what happened
  • Implying the pain they caused was no big deal
  • Automatically resuming your previous relationship

In reality, forgiveness  simply means choosing to let go of your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance. You might accept that what happened is now in the past, recognize that people make mistakes, and begin cultivating compassion instead. A more excellent way to handle grudges is to talk to the person about it, put your ego to shame.

The benefits of finding forgiveness outweighs the disadvantages. For me, I will say there is no disadvantage in finding forgiveness. So what exactly does finding forgiveness do for you?

1. Forgiveness helps you Heal

Holding onto resentment can sour you and keep you from finding peace. When you can’t forgive, your emotional wounds can’t close and heal. “When you forgive, you’re not saying what someone did was OK. You’re deciding to let go of the burden of stuck and unresolved emotions,” That way, forgiveness allows you to let go of pain and continue with a lighter heart.” Forgiveness, in other words, enables you to begin moving away from anger and resentment before they seep into all areas of your life. 

2. Forgiveness Improves Relationships

Harboring anger toward someone who hurt you doesn’t just affect your relationship with that person. Grudges and angry feelings can eventually overflow into your other relationships. You might have a shorter temper with loved ones, struggle to trust again or have difficulty building new relationships. As such, offering compassion instead of anger can help increase trusted source kindness and feelings of connection to all people, not just the person you forgive.

3. Forgiveness Improves your Health

By practicing forgiveness, you may be doing your health a favor. Forgiveness helps reduce stress, according to research from 2016 Trusted Source. Less stress can have positive health outcomes, including lower blood pressure, reduced anxiety, better sleep conditions and improved self-esteem. Forgiveness has an overall positive impact on emotional health, well-being, and empathy for others. It can also lead to more fulfilling relationships  including the one you have with yourself.

4. Forgiveness Helps you reconcile

It’s important to understand that you can forgive someone without resuming contact or picking a relationship back up. You can forgive someone even if you know you can never have the same relationship. Depending on the circumstances, you may even need to avoid contact. That said, everyone makes mistakes. When a loved one hurts you, forgiving them can open the door to relationship repair. In many cases, the act of forgiveness can help someone who inadvertently caused pain to realize how they hurt you. This provides an opportunity for learning and growth. Also, forgiveness may not mend your relationship immediately, but it’s a good start.

Who are you doing this for?

Forgiveness is an inside job because you set it in motion. Forgiveness is firstly for you, before the person you're holding a grudge against. People involved in a situation and even loved ones who know the circumstances behind the grudge you're holding, might encourage you to forgive. However, you’re the one who needs to make that decision. You aren’t truly forgiving when you do so grudgingly or because others say you should. This type of forgiveness doesn’t honour your needs and may not resolve your frustration and pain. Forgiveness takes some work on your part. You can’t just say “I forgive you” and be done with it , at least, not if you want your forgiveness to have meaning. This will usually involve developing some understanding of the other person and their circumstances. You can’t truly forgive without empathy and compassion.

Committing to forgiveness is only the beginning, and memories of your hurt may still resurface after you’ve decided to forgive. Holding on to compassion and patience can help you succeed. "You may never understand why someone did something. But forgiveness requires you to look at your anger and pain and choose to let it go."


If you’re ready to forgive but have no idea where to start? That’s okay. It’s not always easy, but we’re here to help. Also, if you have been blessed by this article, please share a testimony here or (if led) kindly give a seed to our ministry.

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