9 things you need to know to make your relationship work.

Romantic love eventually ends, only to be followed by committed love. Love is a beautiful thing and it's sweet to see two people shamelessly in love, wearing matching pajamas and smiling all through midnight calls. Unfortunately, all the butterflies eventually die if not watered and allowed to bloom.

In case you have been saying things like " I can't feel the spark anymore" or " it feels so cold" you should read till the end. I'm about to show you 9 things to know to ignite your love spark.

  1. You are both a work in progress: 

An understanding of this allows you to be patient with each other in the relationship. People believe that they are going into a relationship with a perfect person which is not true. Both partners in a relationship work in progress. The idea of marriage is two laborers coming together to build an edifice called home. Everyone is putting in their best to have a good home and by the way, it's not a 50/50 or 60/40 effort it's a 100/100. Everyone puts their all into the project to have the best in it.

2. Commitment over compatibility: 

Change is inevitable. Your partner will change with time. It can be physical looks, attitude, response to situations, or dentition. This is why I say that one of the best things to look for in a partner is the partner's teachability and willingness to adjust to the other. I once wrote about 10 questions to ask before going into a relationship but that's not even all. There are many questions to be asked and chances are you won't finish asking all the questions before you get married. So here is the drill, there must be commitment from both parties and a willingness to be corrected in the relationship. As a believer, you want to be sure the person checks the fruit of the spirit.

3. Communication is key: 

So much is involved in communication. Communication as a subject topic can't be overstretched in a relationship. It isn't just about what is being said but how it is being said.  

Misunderstandings are most times a result of a lack of communication. Say what you expect from the relationship, your partner is not a mind reader. Talk about your grievances, your expectations, your past, present, and future. Talk about everything. However, the way you communicate is so crucial. I feel you can ask your partner how they love to be corrected. 

4. Create boundaries and communicate your boundaries:

 Boundaries are necessary for every healthy relationship. The ability to create boundaries and your partner's reaction to the boundaries are important. I don't find it healthy when partners pick on each other's phones. 

This does not mean you can't check your partner's phone but it should be done with consent. However, this is relationship-specific. Whatever anyone deems fit for their relationship is okay.

5. Love is a decision: 

Many marriages have fallen apart because the partners suddenly lost the spark they feel in the relationship. One thing is unavoidable, you won't always have butterflies in your stomach. Every day, you must choose to love the person afresh. You choose this person over and over again.

6. Love them in their love language, not yours: 

There are 5 love languages according to Gary Chapman in his book "The 5 love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate".  They include acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. 

I appreciate receiving all 5 love languages. I also believe we don't have just one love language. Most times, a blend of two or more. People have different ways by which they perceive love. This makes it necessary for us to show them love in a way they perceive it. If your partner's love language is receiving gifts.  It is just expedient you show them love in that love language. 

7. Believe the best about your partner: 

While I don't want you to create so many expectations, it is important to believe the best in them. I don't encourage toxic relationships. In short, I frown at it. If your partner is a good person, then believe the best about him or her. 

It's not unlikely that you won't hear stuff about your partner outside. You must be able to seive what you take in about your partner. Trust is an important ingredient in great relationships which can be broken by third parties. 

8. Talk about conflict resolution:

 It's unlikely there aren't any misunderstandings among partners. It's important to talk about how you want to resolve conflicts that arise. How do you want to communicate how you felt about the situation? What systems do you want to put in place? Systems like no yelling at each other, proper communication of the problem,  how to tackle the problem, and so on. A "we vs the problem" not "me versus you" approach is very good in conflict resolution.

It's important in conflict resolution to always tackle situations, not persons. 

9. Fight for the relationship but if not working leave:

 See, if the love of Christ cannot change him. Nothing about your love will. You are not a genie in a bottle. You don't have the magical powers to change anybody. Don't ignore the red flags. Never! Some red flags are more than you. Pray for them but let them be. Leave toxic people alone, they will find their co-toxic person to marry. 

Remember, I said earlier that the best thing to find in a partner is teachability.

In a Christian relationship, trust God for the relationship. Allow him to be the center of the relationship, not your feelings or sense knowledge. With all these things you have learned today, intentionality in implementing them is very essential. So go to your partner and ask intentional questions and address issues that concern the relationship.