There is no True Love Outside God - Onome Omatsola

In our interview today, we host Onome Olukolade-Olamoju (Nee Omatsola), a relationship coach as we discuss godly relationships in the light of her recently published book, titled "Is Love Truly Enough?"

There is no True Love Outside God - Onome Omatsola

Can we meet you?

Guest: I'm Onome Olukolade-Olamoju (Nee Omatsola), a relationship and life coach. I'm also an entrepreneur, precisely an event planner and I run an online hair store where we sell human and quality hair for affordable prices. I also run an NGO that sponsors and mentors young ladies in higher institutions. I'm a believer who loves God with all my heart. I’m involved in a couple of things too but this is a fine summary.

What was your journey into Christ like? Kindly share your salvation story.

Guest: I was raised in a Christian family which was kind of religious - I mean, my parents were good Christians but so extreme - if you understand what that means. I was going to church because I had to, but I didn't have a personal relationship with God. With the way I was brought up, we were so busy focusing on the way we look, the dos and the donts so I couldn't focus on the things that really matter - my salvation and relationship with God.

When I got into school, in my part two, I got to know God personally. That was when I was invited to SUCF (Scripture Union Campus Fellowship) and I'm forever grateful to my pastor, Pastor Jeremiah Ajibade. He was the one who preached and the light of God's word turned in my heart and I knew that I wanted to know this God personally. That was where the spark started and that was where my journey and salvation story started for me. The peak came when I attended GLT in part three second semester. I attended GLT as a first timer and the moment I entered the church, I felt this ambience I had never felt before. It was so real  - like something I've never felt before. Immediately I heard that this was my church and that when God called Pastor Segun Obadje, he had me in mind. I knew this was where I was placed. That was what started this shift for me and it's been from glory to glory. I'm still a member of God's Love Tabernacle (GLT) and I'm in the music ministry.

Kindly tell us about your journey into Love and Relationship Coaching.

Guest: Somehow while growing up, I felt like this was a thing for me. I never knew it was called relationship or love coaching. Even though I was young and was not in a relationship at the time, people always came to me for advice on relationships and I gave them the right advice and counsel. My mates, my seniors and different people around came to receive answers as far as relationship issues were concerned even though I was not in a relationship. So when I tell people that I wasn't in a relationship at the time, they found it difficult to believe because of the way I gracefully answered their questions. Along the line in my part four when I was about leaving school very close to my final year, I was studying scriptures and the light of God's word dawned on me as regards relationships. It was like an imprint in my spirit that many people were actually in wrong relationships and that they needed someone to liberate them. That was what I needed at that time to know that was where I was supposed to be. I took it seriously, started studying God's word and studied people who were into relationship coaching and counselling. That was when I got to know that it was actually called relationship coaching and counselling. From there, I started taking about it on my WhatsApp status. People that have come to me at one point in time or the other to ask questions find it easier to refer people to me because of the relationship advice I give to them. From there, people started inviting me for conferences, programmes and all. It's been amazing because most of the times, the moment I receive topics to talk about, the Holy Spirit teaches the topics to me. In fact, the book I recently wrote was wholly inspired by the Holy Spirit. I didn't need to check Google or anything. It was completely inspired by the Holy Spirit - from the chapter topics to their content. That is how it has always been for me anytime I receive a topic to teach. I literally see God opening my heart to teach me. I remember there was a conference I wanted to go for and they gave me a topic. A night to the conference, I was not prepared and didn't even know what to say. It was that serious because that was unlike me. On a usual day, I'd have everything I wanted to talk about in about two or three pages by that time. My spirit wasn't picking anything but I slept and in my dream, the Holy Spirit taught me everything I needed to say in that conference. When I woke up, I could still remember everything I was taught and I wrote it down. I went to the conference with that confidence and it was an amazing testimony. there was a shift in that conference and everyone knew that it was the undiluted word of God. That is how it has been for me as far as my love and relationship coaching journey is concerned. 

Of course, I learn from people - I have mentors and people I look up to but the Holy Spirit has been my greatest teacher when it comes to relationships. Many times when I receive questions, I seek to know the heart of God about it and go into scriptures to study more. I also do checks to see what other believers say about relationship related matters.

You recently authored a book, "Is Love truly Enough", what inspired you to write this book?

Guest: This book was inspired by February 14th, 2022 - Valentine's Day. 2022's Valentine eve. Sometime around February 9th, I started seeing ads asking people to buy gifts for their partners and loved ones. I'd seen the ad for a while and something just struck me to think about love being truly enough. I thought about the basis of gifting and its emotional entanglement. It looked like an handwriting in my spirit and I began to think - Is love truly enough? I asked two friends of mine and their perspectives about the question were quite different. When I reviewed their responses, I wanted to write more about the topic as a ten pages e-book and give it out for free as a valentines gift to people. I believe that the love of God is enough but before you can tell people that love is enough then you must let them know the kind of love you're talking about. Love is the most beautiful word I've ever seen or heard but it's also the most misinterpreted word ever. People have a lot of misconceptions about love and they feel like lust, attraction, sexual addiction and many more equates love. This book is thus inspired to not only answer those questions but to also define love from the standpoint of scripture and God's ideology of love. 

When I started the book, I wrote the first three chapters in the space of three days. It was like a rushing wind of ideas coming to me, but when I reached out to an editor, she broke down the whole publishing process and I discovered that the timeline for February 14th was almost impossible due to the processes and cost. I decided to take it easy with the process as the book would always be a blessing whether before, during or after valentine. At the time I had written up to 30 pages and I continued searching my spirit as regards what God would have me write. In April, I got stuck in a particular topic and wanted to stop writing or take out the chapter. I felt God really wanted me to write that chapter so I took my time, meditated on the chapters I had written and the inspiration started coming back one morning at around 4:00am. Altogether, if you exclude the break I had in between (February to October), I wrote the book in about 10 days. This is the whole story about the book. Then, I saw the New Man Movement’s advert for book publishing and the rest is history like they say.

As a relationship coach, how do you handle relationship issues brought before you? I know the stories can be really touching, but how do you draw the line between spirituality and professionalism in your coaching sessions?

Guest: Whenever relationship issues are brought to me, I take my time to listen instead of assuming what people want to say. That's one thing you don't joke with as a coach. You're listening from the perspective of wanting to know what the person is saying and not based on the fact that you have seen a lot of cases like that before this jumping into conclusion. I also put myself in their shoes so I can advise based on true feelings and empathy. This is the initial stage. After I listen to them sometimes and I see where they are coming from with the gift of the Holy Spirit, there are issues which I’ve recorded sessions about or written articles about. I forward the links to these podcasts, recorded sessions and articles to them. When I do this, I ask them to come back with their questions if snything is unclear to them so I can advise them with the help of the Holy Spirit. The answers you give to people, they cannot deny how effective it has been to them through the results you have. When people come to mefor advice and counseling, I give the the right counsel as inspired by the holy spirit and in the end they can testify to the fact that such advice works well for them. Many of them come testifying that such advice is something they really needed at the time and so they are totally convinced. The moment they put the advice to work, they come back to appreciate God's glory and spirit through me.

God gives answers
You need to know your onions as a professional coach but the real deal is from the Holy SPirit Sometimes, I tell my clients to reschedule a session and I go back to God in my secret place to clearly get answers for those issues. I have discovered that sometimes, what people think is the issue is not the real problem and this is something that is usually revealed to me in the place of prayer. Many times people even hide things from you expecting you to give solutions to problems they didnt share with you or tell you anything about. So it becomes a thing of how do you  advice them rightly when you don't know the exact problem? SO when you go to God in prayer and provide true anwers from the throneroom, you begin to look like a magician. This makes them curious about God and you can introduce God to them. I don't hide my inspiration (God) from my clients. As long as what I'm telling you works for you, I don't need to hide my source of inspiration.

At different points in your book, you mentioned that it's necessary to know God as love before you can truly love your partner. Can you briefly talk about what you meant by this?

Guest: By this, I meant that God is love and you cannot know or understand the concept of love without knowing God. If you truly want to love your partner the way God instructs, you must have a relationship with God to start with because He is Love. You cannot know true love outside God. The true knowledge of love comes from your knowledge and revelation of God as love. The more you know God, the more. If you are a good christian, then you'd be a good husband, wife or partner and this comes from your personal relationship with God. When you understand God, you keep his commandment and extend the same love to your partner. Naturally, humans are selfish but when you understand love from the standpoint of God being love, you relate with your partner with that same love.

In our world today, it is true that there are unbelievers who have beautiful relationships and marriages, but do you think there is true love outside God?

Guest: No. There is no true love outside God. Love can mean a lot of things but there is a vacuum only God can fill. If you think there are unbelievers who have beautiful marriages outside God, it's just because its easier to accept the fake of something if you have not seen the original. If you get the fake of a sneakers as a birthday gift, you may never know that it's fake until you see the original or contrast in prices. When you see an unbeliever and you feel they have beautiful marriages, its because you have not truly experienced God's love. The true love of God extends to your relationship and that makes it sweeter.

By how far God has helped you, especially through your business expressions, what do you think is the importance of marketplace influence in spreading the gospel?

Guest: Marketplace influence is a lot. I met about 80% of people in my life currently through my business expressions than random meetings, church and others. Social media has made it easier through ads and greater outreach so I'm really meeting people Ive never met before. When I meet people like this, I take the initiative to bring them to Christ directly or indirectly. Marketplace influence is something we should take really seriously. Marketplace influence does not mean that you should discriminate between people or refuse to sell to someone because he/she is an unbeliever while you sell to believers. Instead, marketplace influence comes when you show Christ through your lifestyle, build personal integrity and help people trust you. People order hair products from me and make referrals for my businesses because they saved my contact and saw my Whatsapp status at one point in time or the other. People have vouched for me, became church members, and even given their lives to Christ because of the integrity I have built through marketplace influence. You don't need to make your business tagline sound spiritual to do all these - you only need to show Christ because you're the salt of the world. The Apostles were called Christians because they had the life of Christ and this is what marketplace influence can do.

Have you ever had a down moment in the course of your career as a relationship coach? Have you had a relationship issue which was a hard nut to crack? Kindly share your experience and how you passed through it.

Guest: I've had a lot of down moments in the course of my career as a relationship coach. One of them is that I started out because I wanted to make money. At the time I had not started my business but I kept advising people as regards relationships for free. So, I wanted to put a structure to it so I could earn through it. However, along the line, I discovered a portion of scripture which says that the gifts of a man makes way for him (Proverbs 18:16-17) so I decided to continue give out knowledge for free. It was born out of concern and so I wanted people to pay something for the knowledge they were getting for free.

I also have down moments when I coach clients who later do something different from my advice. This has made me know that coaching really takes God. Many times, I try to make them see reasons why they should follow my advice, but you can only take a horse to the river - you can't force it to drink. One of these cases was a lady who was in Part two. She came for counseling and told me about a guy (her elder brother's friend) who asked her out. The guy, who was older than her elder brother, claimed that he wanted to get married to the lady, saying that it was not too early. He dis-virgined her and continually slept with her under her brother's roof till she aborted for him. She was in a mess because she was attached to him and wanted to go ahead with the marriage closing her eyes to the red flags. She wanted me to advise her as to going ahead or not, but she did otherwise. The issue was not with marriage to the guy but many underlying matters. I made her understand that if he truly loved her, he would wait for her and all, but in the end, she married the guy, got pregnant and died. I was pained and cried because it was a very difficult one for me.

From your biography, you're into different ministry expressions. What is hearing God like for you as a believer, especially as regards starting something in line with purpose?

Guest: I believe that purpose is yielding to God's instruction per time as regards his assignment and things he would have you do. Overtime, the first thing for me  was to build a personal relationship with God so that I could hear him when he speaks. God has different  portals through which he communicates to his children - dreams, visions, sights, through scriptures or  a small still voice. Having a personal relationship with God determines how He would speak with you, so when I wanted to ask about purpose, I just sought to know God. I wanted to know Him, and trust Him so well that I would not only be able to hear Him, but to ultimately obey. This has been my practice in the journey of purpose. I primarily hear God clearly when I'm praying so I know when He is talking to me. By God's grace, I operate in the prophetic too, so I see and hear too. When God needs to call my attention to things, I just sense a need to withdraw from people, go to some quiet location and I worship Him to receive a downpour of His blueprint concerning a project at hand or my assignment in general. Simply understand God's communication process with you - look for things that triggers him to speak - like deep worship, stay faithful and ultimately seek to know Him personally. 

With the steady progress you have recorded by God's grace as a relationship coach, what big picture keeps you focused? 

Guest: The big picture that keeps me focused is that I see myself liberating teenagers, bringing them in the way of God and setting them up in beautiful marriages as they grow older. I see myself hosting conferences and seminars where I bring together, people who have come in contact with God's grace in my life at one point in time or the other. At these conferences and seminars, I see them sharing their stories to continually teach and liberate people as far as building godly relationships and marriages are concerned. The big picture includes coaching nations and rewriting the story of marriages with heaven's narrative.

What's your advice for believers (and unbelievers) who look forward to a beautiful relationship with their partners?

Guest: My advice is simple. Find God and do not joke with your relationship with Him. When you have a solid relationship with God, it settles everything. The beautiful relationship you desire is not only in the fact that you love your partner or that they love you in return, but that you have a strong personal relationship with God.
You can buy the book, Is Love Truly Enough by Onome Olukolade-Olamoju (Nee Omatsola) via these links on Selar, Okadabooks and Amazon

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