Should Christian Parents Decide decide who their Children Marry?

Marriage is a very sensitive topic to talk about because it is a delicate decision to make. For the sake of marital ease, there is no room for error in this kind of decision. Whatever decision you make in marriage will either lead to a happy or sad life in your marital home.  Don’t get me wrong; if you are already in your marriage, there is no problem you are encountering that the mercy of God can’t overcome for you. But why go through stress when you can ease into marriage with the perfect will of God?  

Firstly, oftentimes people make the wrong mistakes in marriage by yielding to the decisions of bodies that are not God. Some go to religious leaders to choose for them; some go to their parents; and some go to their friends to choose from them. Reaching out to people for decision making is the wrong move to make; these people (religious leaders, Christian friends, and family members) should be reached out to for guidance and counsel, not for making a decision as big as choosing your spouse. In Proverbs 11:14, the scriptures say that “without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances." The Bible tells us to follow wise counsel and not the decisions of others because, at the end of everything, only an all knowing God can make perfect decisions. 

I know it is easier said than done, because it may come off as being rude, disobedient, or too independent when you don’t accept other people’s choices for you, but as a believer, you have to be firm. One thing you should know as a single Christian is that your Christian parents should not decide who you should marry; their jobs are to guide and give wise counsel. I will give various reasons why this should not happen, and I will also talk about why people tend to meet other people to make big decisions for them. 

Why Christian parents should not make marriage decisions for their children:

1. EVeryone has a Free Will

Everyone has a freewill that has been given to them by God. As a parent you have your own freewill, why box someone up in your decision making and restrict them from that gift of freewill. For the gift of freewill sake, parents should let their children choose 

 

2.The Bible Does not Support it

The second is, under no circumstance was it stated in the scriptures that parents should help make this decision. As parents, you are meant to train up your children in the way of the Lord and when they are old and are making big decisions you should trust that with what you have taught them, they will not depart from the way of the Lord when making life changing decisions like this. 

3. The COuples May Find it DIfficult to Bond

Thirdly, the parents won’t be the one living with the spouse that they choose. As a parent you see what you see, you feel what you feel, you are not all knowing, you are human and you as all humans do make decisions from your own perspective of things and this may be detrimental to your child’s happiness. When you make a decision that is not maybe favorable to your child, will you be the one to bear the consequences of that decision? Please ask yourselves this because you are not the one in question that would be living with the said person. For the sake of compatibility, knowing each other well and accepting each other flaws, no parents should meddle in this decision

3. Every Decision has Consequences

Lastly, as a parent if anything happens you are not going to be the one on the receiving end. The outcome of this decision will fall on the child and the child alone. No one should ever have to make a decision for someone that isn’t them because at the end of the decision, the result of it falls solely on the person and the person alone.

Why do Christians feel the need to seek others' help in making big decisions?

1. Fear of responsibility

We are humans and sometimes, it is easy to let someone else make big decisions for us because of the lack of sense of responsibility. Always willing to push the blame on others not on ourselves when things go wrong. Some children reach out to their parents to make this big decision in order to find someone to turn to when things go south and it isn’t supposed to be so. As Christians, we are to seek God when we need to make big decisions.

2. Not in tune with God

Sometimes, christians seek help from people they feel are higher ranked than them spiritually because they feel these people hear God right and they have a higher relationship with God. All these are just the impact of your own fear i.e. the fear of you not hearing God right or you not being able to discern the voice of God. When you are in tune with your maker, you will pray to him, he will speak to you and direct your path. 

Conclusion

You should never lean on your understanding or the understanding of others because of their experiences. The fact that your parents have been married or have seen life more than you doesn’t make them the makers of perfect decisions. Their own life experiences and lessons can’t be used to make decisions for you because you are living different lives and are on different journeys.

Having said all this, as parents, you can only guide your children in making the decision to marry. You can support them with your prayers and trust that the values you have instilled in them will make them choose right, and as believers, choosing your partner is solely your decision to make. As Christians, we are to seek the wisdom of God in all our doings and trust God in making all these decisions, as seen in the scripture. James 1:5 “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."  “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Seek God in making decisions, and the Lord will direct your path because, at the end of the day, no matter how much you shy away from this responsibility, the outcome will still be yours to bear and no one will share it with you. At this point, most people will only offer counsel and be there for you, but no one, absolutely no one, will bear any of it with you. 

So back to the question.  Should Christian parents decide who their children marry? The answer is an absolute No.