I was far into Masturbation before I knew what I’d gotten into - Jesugbogo Enis

In today's interview, we speak with Jesugbogo Enis, founder of GiftedBrain Academy as she shares her journey into masturbation and pornography as well as God's salvation power which makes all things beautiful.

Can we meet you? Kindly tell us about yourself.

Guest: I am Jesugbogo Enis, a graduate of Industrial Chemistry from Wesley University, Ondo. I am the founder of GiftedBrain Academy, an online academy that engages students with proven and tested strategies to harness the potentials of their brains for success. I am presently a Data Science Fellow for the Women Techsters Fellowship Class of 2023. I love writing and I love reading. I don't enjoy cooking and above all, I am a dedicated Christian who loves God.

What was your journey into Christ like? Kindly share your salvation story.

Guest: My journey into Christ was quite straightforward. I was brought up by godly parents in a Christian home so I learnt to do the things of God as some sort of practice right from childhood. However, it got to a certain point where I needed to know God for myself. I needed a personal relationship with God and it was this revelation that being brought up in a Christian home does not equate being saved as a person that led to my salvation. I was at a programme and at that point, I just knew I wanted a closer relationship and walk with God more than the religious activities and morality (because I was brought up with morals). That was when the altar call was made. It's funny because I was at that programme with members of my church and I was sceptical and quite embarrassed to go out for the altar call but after much persuasion in my spirit, I finally did. This was in 2017, and it led to a more personal relationship with God.

You recently wrote a book titled, "Diary of a Christian Lady". What inspired you to write this book?

Guest: Simply, God inspired me to write the book. I got the conviction in church late in the year 2021. At the time, I was already free from masturbation and going to my second year of freedom when I got the conviction. I ignored it because I felt I wasn't ready to share my story and talk about it. I was restless at the same time because I was ignoring an instruction from God. So, first, I was inspired by God's leading. I was also inspired by the fact that other people were going through the same addiction and I desire to see them overcome like I did. That inspired the way I wrote the book. The book best describes that I went through addiction as a Christian who couldn't share my struggles with people because they saw me as this "Christian". People believed I could possibly not sin against God but I was addicted for several years even with that Christian, good and moral reputation. That inspired me because I know there are so many Christian brothers and sisters that have this reputation of mama, papa like I did also in school and all yet they are passing through struggles and addiction and they can't share because it could taint the reputation that people have of them. This inspired me.

4. In your book, you shared your story and how God gave you freedom. How exactly did you start your journey into masturbation? What measures do you think people should put in place to ensure they don't embark on this journey?

Guest: I started my journey into masturbation before I got a chance to know exactly what I was into. To describe it, I'd say it started from pornographic scenes which I randomly saw and then started to watch fully. I remember that before I got into masturbation, I used to dwell on the pornographic scenes I'd seen anywhere in the past, meditate, think and fantasies about them. This triggered me to start the act of masturbating. As regards the measures, I would say people should do away with triggers. For me, it was the pronographic scenes. I didn't need to watch actual porn - just a random romance scene from characters (not actual sex) in a movie would trigger me. I had to do a lot to do away with my triggers. I stayed away from movies and limited my access to them. Sometimes, I'd skip over those scenes deliberately and be conscious not to go back to them. It's not easy but one must be disciplined. Another trigger for me was my interaction with the opposite sex. I discovered that if I'm attracted to a guy and talk with him frequently, I get triggered to masturbate later at night. I had to reduce late night conversations and general conversations with the guy I was attracted to. Another thing you should  do after dealing with your triggers is to study the word of God. Your mind cannot remain idle and You have to fill in the vacancy. Like I mentioned earlier, I used to think and meditate on pornographic scenes I had watched so since I wasn't doing that any longer, my mind could not be empty or be a vacuum and I had to meditate on Gods word instead. I started taking my devotional life seriously. I became very religious with it such that if I didn't do it I would feel guilty. I made sure I did this morning and night every day. In summary, these two measures will really help you.

It is widely said that sexual sins thrive in secrecy. How was this for you and how did God's light open you up?

Guest: It’s true that sexual sins thrive in secrecy and it was the same thing for me. I didn’t tell anybody about it and I made sure no one caught me whenever I was in the act. It thrives in secrecy because the fact that people didn’t know about it made me continue. It made me feel comfortable with it. when God’s light opened up on me and I mustered enough courage to tell somebody - someone whom could speak to me and I could confide in, I discovered that he always checked up on me. Although the fact that he knew about it didn’t make me stop suddenly, Because he cared and wanted me to overcome, he always checked up on me and made me talk about it, it made the journey to overcoming easier. That’s how Gods light opened up on me. It made me talk more about it and ensured that it was no longer a secret thing. It became something Incould talk about with someone. He would usually ask me if I did it again and ask about the things that triggered it. He’d ask me the time I did it and the things I did before then to help me identify the triggers. Gods light ensured that it wasn’t something I was shy to talk about. I no longer saw it as something forbidden to talk about. I discovered that there was a pattern that made me do the act so I identified it and ensured the pattern didn’t come up. One of such patterns was that anytime I didn’t meditate or skip my devotion, by the time the temptation comes for me to masturbate, I’d yield to the temptation but the days I don’t skip my devotional, I am able and capable to resist such temptation. This was a pattern I discovered and decided to stick to my devotions religiously. I got to the point that whenever I didn’t do my devotions, I’d feel guilty. It became a practice and habit for me to meditate on God’s word. This was how God’s light opened me up.

Some research papers claim that masturbation is healthy. Did this influence you in any way?

Guest: It didn’t influence me in anyway because I only found out about the research papers after I overcame and I’m really grateful for that. After I overcame and started writing the book, I decided to do some research about it and that was when I discovered that there were some research papers where scientists say that masturbation is healthy. At that point, I already knew the truth and it didn’t influence me in anyway. I told the person I confided in and in his words “you know the truth”. Although the research papers didn’t influence me in anyway, I know it’s a strategy of the enemy to make people think and see masturbation as normal.

If I came across those papers when I was still addicted, it would have really affected me. This is because these research works give many reasons why masturbation is normal, healthy and should even be done often. It’s surprising for me and I’m glad it didn’t affect me because I overcame before I saw them.

Coming into the light of Christ, how were you able to overcome the voice of condemnation?

Guest: It was not easy because asides the voice of condemnation, normal issues I tend to condemn myself coupled with the voice of condemnation from the enemy. I gave myself reasons to be condemned. I just had to believe the word of God that says I am not condemned. It took some time, but hearing the truth over and over again strengthened my faith. I just kept believing that I am not condemned no matter what my voice, my personality or even the enemy says.

Did you feel accepted or scorned by people when you started sharing your story and how you were saved from masturbation? 

Guest: I did not feel scorned when I started sharing. I felt accepted because people wanted to hear my story. I felt encouraged and as a matter of fact, when I informed some people about it, I was given a platform to speak to others about it.

Since you started sharing your story, how did you find validation in God rather than men?

Guest: I found validation in God by constantly reminding myself why I was doing this in the first place - which is the fact that I was inspired by God to write. Even when some people felt sceptical about it, I reminded myself and maintained that it was an instruction from God. When some people were not really encouraging about it, I still chose to find my validation in God. God strengthened me to share my story and whether or not I get encouraged, I still choose to share because God wants me to.

Ever since God helped you to overcome this, how has been your walk with the Holy Spirit?

Guest: My walk with the Holy Spirit has been sweet. That's the description. It has been awesome, beautiful and so wonderful. There's this joy that comes with knowing that I'm walking in freedom and don't have any sort of guilt or a feeling of condemnation. Asides these, I keep growing in my walk with the Holy Spirit. I keep getting closer, learning more, getting more revelation... it has been so sweet and I wouldnt trade it for anything else. This experience is what keeps me. I don;t want to destroy tjhis relationship and so it gives me strength when I get tempted, Many times, it could always look like "let me just do it this once - one last time" - like I always told myself when I was addicted. But now, I know that if I should try it, it would definitely affect this beautiful relationship I have with the Holy Spirit. I would start feeling condemnation and asking for forgiveness, crying and having all the guilt again. I do  ot want that so it keeps me from temptation. I don't want to destroy this beautiful fellowship that I have with the Holy Spirit.

Have you ever had a down moment in the course of your journey with God? Kindly share your experience and how you passed through it.

Guest: I have faced down moments in my walk with God where I prayed about something and facing reality, I met with disappointment. One of those down times was in the process of publishing this book. According to my prayers and plans, it should have occurred earlier in the year but it didn’t go as planned. In fact, I thought it would take just 3-6 months but it didn’t. There were many times I cried in the place of prayer telling God that I thought this would work out without much disappointment. One thing that helped me at some point when I wanted to give up was a prayer that I made. I told God that He was the one who gave me the vision and led me to write this book as my first. I told Him that it it continued stressing me out, I would give up. At some point when I shared it with people, it looked like I wanted so much because I wanted the best quality. I just decided not to be wavered, to leave it all and rest, but before then, I put up a sign in remembrance. I put it up as a picture on my WhatsApp profile picture reminding me to believe and have crazy faith until God makes it happen. This is the first time I’m sharing this particular downtime because there were many times I wanted to give up and change the picture because it didn’t look like it was going to happen. I just prayed and said I would not change the picture until the book is published. I’m grateful to God that He has done it. I stopped trying so hard and just believed God would do it since He promised it- it’s not my timing but His. Whenever I have down times like this, I remember God’s promises, believe them and lay hold on them.

What is hearing God like for you as a believer, especially as regards starting something in line with purpose?

Guest: Hearing God for me as a believer comes with a conviction. If I have a conviction to start something and I don't, I literally lose my peace of mind and become restless. When this happens, it makes me know that this is something that God really wants me to do. That's one way I hear God. Within me, I just lose my peace if i do not obey an instruction or do something that has been laid in my heart to do. This happens each time I have to do something with purpose. If I try to  ignore, I do not regain my peace until I do it no matter how little. Also, anytime I pray, it keeps coming back to my spirit. I'm well aware that my emotions and other voices also speak, so when I sense an instruction, I write it down. When I pray and I get the same or some sort of instruction building up on the first, I know that it has to be from god. I write them down whether I'm sure or not . These are ways God has spoken to me especially as regards things in line with purpose. I have some notebooks with me and I sometimes see things I wrote many months and even years ago. I see some of the things I already did and some which I'm currently doing - so writing them down is another thing that helps my hearing from God.

In summary, kindly list the steps that led to you total freedom from masturbation and pornography.

Guest: My freedom can be summarized in five simple steps - seeking help, speaking up, staying accountable to someone trustworthy, making tough sacrifices by cutting off certain things and ultimately filling the void by consistent personal prayer and study of the word.

What's your advice for anyone struggling with masturbation and pornography?

Guest: My advice for anyone struggling with masturbation and pornography will be that you shouldn't give up. It sometimes get to a phase where you just feel like this is m fate and there is nothing I can do about it. You may feel doomed with that addiction, but you should not give up.. It is essential that you don't give up no matter the number of years or the struggle. You can overcome and you will overcome. The faith that keeps you from giving up will help you to take conscious effort towards stopping it. That same faith will help you stand up in case you fall back while trying to end the addiction. Even if you avoided a trigger and still fell into temptation, this hope will help you stand up. So do not give up and be determined to overcome. I discovered that many times, we want to overcome addictions but we are not really determined, disciplined or putting in the work to end it. It's more like we are merely wishing to overcome and no, addictions do not end by mere wises. Addictions are meant to cripple and keep you down until it destroys you - but you must be determined enough to desire a victory. No matter the number of times you fall, be determined to rise again.

If you were blessed by this interview and would love to get a copy of the Diary of a Christian Lady by Jesugbogo Enis, simply click the link(s) below to order e-copies or paperback on Selar, Okadabooks or Amazon.