Partakers of His Grace by Eunié Amara

 

Oh the scriptures of 2nd Peters, excite me tremendously. Just the entirety of it all.  

Hi, My name is Eunié and this is my story of how I’ve been saved from the hands of destruction and the phases, living  seasons of unconscious darkness. So intimately is this piece dug up from the insides of me for it is one thing to bear a story and it’s another to tell it I admit.

Eunié is a dainty moving lily in the garden one would say. A whimsy little lady who had grown up very open-hearted and naive if you must. Thinking good of everyone she would trust so easily- Eunié existed with such purity at heart and soul that she sometimes doubted earth to be home. For everyone else thought her a little too hard to handle, a little too much to contain and experience. Many knew not what to do with such expansive energy emanating from this one reclusive little girl. As if that wasn’t enough delimma, Eunié existed without her knowledge of this innate potent nature of hers that she carried. Eunié had assumed that this would be the very nature of the masses. A nature of humans simply by default. 

These very unconscious phase of my life that I had lived, oblivious of the spirit that dwells inside of me— oh it is of no shock to how susceptible my life had been to just about all fleeting desires and patterns incubated inside of this physical reality. Moving aimlessly and without sight too. All though quite instinctively, my soul felt an emptiness and despair inwards. So, I then began seeking for that one thing that felt missing. For how could I interminably be  missing something that felt so much familiar and felt so like home. Be it that my very  essence had recognized feelings of Christ the messiah, even while still unsconscious and astray. 

Growing up as a teenager, in some occasionally unfavorable events, I had learnt the very art of looking out for myself on a deep emotional and psychological level, for I had felt deeply misunderstood and my persona mis-identified. It seemed like everybody had this persona of me they needed me playing in their world, and I waddled along happily as a side piece in other peoples story. Sadly had I assumed that grace and pardon would be granted me by mere mortals. Subsequently was I let down too. Even more so sad, hadI abandoned Jesus Christ the One True Vine. 

Needless to say, that all worldly escape I may have indulged myself in, with the hopes of some sort of self-fulfillment and completion- all turned out to be only but a temporary band-aid on the problem of emptiness. Not the solution itself. For they never truly satisfy.
One would occasionally catch me staring into the void, somewhat seeking, yearning, and asking all of these existential questions— “What is this heightened awareness of darkness that surrounds me?”, “Am I paying for the sins of those that came before me?”- I had often times than not, questioned why my life’s trajectory always moved in same particular cycle and sequence, a cycle I deeply observed where quite different from my immediate peers. Innately did I feel like the constant black sheep.
       It’s hard enough growing up around people that don’t see you or never will. Although, I assumed possibly, it could be all part of the universal play. One orchestrated in order for me to see myself entirely. For I had been quite short sighted about my own anointing.

        Reminiscing on my old self, as Christ has given me a new identity, and called me his own.

Here she was, with an overzealous confidence of an abandoned growing teenager, quite in full defensive mode, ready to deflect narratives and wicked projections, that had sought to take what belonged to her, further shrinking God’s glory.
Everyone else quickly gave her an interpretation of who or what she was and yet she asks, - Who even am I?
    It seemed to me when I had come into a little bit of awareness, that everyone else around me had an identity right before I was ready and healed enough to learn who I am. All from scratch. See, I had been busy unlearning, disassociating and in dire grief, of all the love lost, plus all the love I had inside of me, with no place to go.
      I can testify that one of the many dangers of not having a clean slate and a solid foundation- firmly rooted in the divine source(God)- is that , you become blind to your own downfall. You do things that hurt your spirit at the very core. Little do you know the difference between right and wrong- therefore you just is- experiencing life as it spirals downward hill. Until one comes in contact with the light though. The heavens rejoice..
And one thing the light is about to do for sure in your life, is to both illuminate one’s pathway and the journey ahead, you also begin seeing all of your life’s decision that had kept you stunt and leading you astray. Away from one’s living purpose here on earth. Finally, you begin to see all there is from an elevated consciousness. The transitioning is not that easy I tell you. But you can make it through. You can believe in your transformation, have faith in the process, love and reverence God in spirit and in truth, obey his commands and all these transformative adventures shall not only yield fruits in the physical, but also gifts of total completion and fulfillment within self.  
                     I  thank goodness, for the clarity of his grace has given me ample appreciation for the mercies of God. God is truly merciful. I vividly remember asking once I was awakened into his truth and divine light- “How have I been surviving, how have I been kept alive all these while for I was truly living carelessly,  blind to his merciful hands upon me.

For even while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

                                John 14:18
 
“No I will not abandon you as orphans, I will come to you-“
            How comforting is this, ohh I love reading the Bible. Why?- cause it’ll show you that nothing that’s happening now that hasn’t already happened before, especially in the times of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. What do that mean then?, it means the solution you are seeking for stays in it. If you can only read it.
       Loosing my parents who were in the best position to nurture and care for me into the stages of adulthood. Guiding me into navigating this life thing but oh well- the point is, both the feelings of neglect and abandonment plagued me quite religiously so, till the point that I chose to befriend it. I had secluded myself entirely from the world and hid away. 

Becoming a recluse and invariably abandoning myself. The ability to make decisions and get  some school work done I noticed my peers handling with such grace, while I moved stumbling and staggering with feelings of overwhelm and the lack of affection and love eating away at my confidence, plus jabbing at my inner feelings of centeredness. I felt a stranger even to myself.
      So, this particular verse in John chapter 14, not only did it comfort my very lonely heart, but it is all so divinely orchestrated for me to witness and hear at this very minute as I’m writing this piece,  for truly, I’ve been made Partaker of his grace mercifully. Thank you Father.
       The journey of my salvation began and had found me in the midst of my drowning and grasping for dear life. I was truly of the world. Lazily did I bear the name ‘Christian’ , although on a soul level I knew my life was very void of Spirit. I sought therefore to strengthen my connection with the Divine Source, manifesting God’s glory and divine nature into all areas of my life. Most importantly, I believed and held faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed but it was there, I believed that he could do it and even more so he did exceedingly more.
      Once I had decided sternly within my soul, to not keep spiraling downwards no more, I revisited my scriptures and I’ve never looked back since then. It’s now become a daily thing.
      I believe that the general masses is under a doom spell- unless one reaches out for divine help, divine nature and divine wisdom and understanding- darkness can swallow one whole- Darkness masked as Light.
“The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”- Repeating this mantra as I beckon on Christ our Savior for his grace to continually hunger and thirst for his word. See
   Jesus loves me, and I desire to spend more time in his presence, experiencing his divine nature expansively so within me. I desire that level of capacity in the knowledge of him, for the purity of God experienced, is like nothing I have ever seen or experienced before. The ample gifts of his peace, a peace that the world cannot and does not offer.

For I know now- That Christ is in me and I am in him
Where He leads me, I will go
What he says, I will obey

Oh every minute I spend studying the scriptures is truly magical. What mercies rests in the knowing that we’ve been provided practical and a purpose- filled manual in navigating this human thing. We need the scriptures to thrive and to succeed. We need his grace and light immensely so.
     From my personal experiences and perspective - Obedience to the commands of our Messiah Christ, can come in the form of listening to the intuitive downloads one gets to create. It may be quitting that habit you and I know is taking away from your physical health. It could also be simply to stay still and know that he is God. Who knows-
        Conclusively, let’s not forget the very gift of the Holy Spirit in our lives that Christ has promised every believer, to guide us through on our journeys, offering clarity and wisdom for the journey ahead. What an awesome promise that is. And the best part, he’s never known to not keep to his promises. Trust.
           His word and salvation has truly granted me peace. Peace that my nervous system constantly and occasionally tries to ease into, cause girl has been dealt a lot. Nonetheless, day after day, I seek to  build upon this new found confidence and new found identity in Christ Jesus our Messiah, for he has restored me and led me unto paths of righteousness, setting my eyes on the realities of heaven. Leaving me filling most complete, and most fulfilled.
      I rest in his sanctuary, in total reverence and adoration, for his grace has set me free !