Burning Altars by Ugbu Lois

 

“Bisola it’s 6:00am already. Are you awake, darling?” A voice called from behind the door after three rapt knocks and a pause. It was her mom.

Bisola sat up on her rumpled bed. Eyes swollen, hair scattered, lines of dried tears mapping her cheeks, she placed her hands on both temples. Her head was light. She felt empty. She remembered the previous night and was about to burst out again in tears. Her emotions a mix of confusion, anger and plain frustration, “for how long?”, she wondered.

She had heard the initial knock but was reluctant. She wasn’t in the mood at all. Out of obligation she rose and quietly walked out of the room. She mumbled a little “ekaaro ma” on her knees to her mom who was still standing by the door with a questioning look. Bisola rarely was late for devotion, at least not since her turbulent teen ages and that didn’t even last, and the hair! Bisola was the queen of bonnets, she would not even nap without one. Mrs. Akande shook her head in mild bemusement turning to follow Bisola who walked shoulders slumped to the parlour. Her dad came down stairs and the whole greeting routine went all over again. She sat numb at devotion hearing but not listening. She just let the time roll by replying “Amen” to every prayer and “Hallelujah” to every “Praise the Lord” just right in time. Her attention was far away.

Bisola Akande was a pretty and well-behaved girl, the kind everyone described as perfect. Born into a Christian home, her parents were the vibrant and zealous kind. Her dad was a dedicated and committed general home cell pastor whose walk with the Holy spirit was visible to all. Her mom, a dedicated and passionate choir leader was a role model to many. She grew up admiring and longing to be like her mom. She joined the choir as early as eight. She learnt to play the violin and was so passionate about singing to God in the church choir. She was the perfect daughter everybody wanted to have, she never made trouble, she greeted respectfully and was always willing to help. No one knew about her tingles and touching.

At around the age of 12, Bisola had begun to feel this tingling sensations in her body which would only lift after she had touched herself erotically. She didn’t understand it and telling her parents could not be considered an option, surely perfect dad and sweet mom would be mortified, so she dealt with it the only way she knew to. The tingling sensations soon became a habitual alarm for her to touch herself. The ecstasy she felt after the touching made the alarm irresistible. She hid in closets, rest rooms at home, school and church just to touch herself. But it never felt right. Somewhere in her heart she knew this was the way of death. She felt empty, confused, she wished to talk to someone about her secret but mentally talked herself out of it every time. Her parents praised her for being the perfect daughter, her friends came to her for Godly counsel. She was the exemplary kid.

Bisola was grown now, 19 years old and a jambite, awaiting admission into the University. The tingling sensations didn’t go away with time, if anything it had grown into a large monster. At 15 she had learned to explore pornography sites, now she was an addict and her mind constantly felt like a refuse dump. In the moment of the act, she greatly enjoyed interacting with these obscene materials and touching herself but the pleasure was always short-lived. After every episode she plunged deeper and deeper into despair, the pain, the light-headedness, the guilt, the shame, she always felt God must be mildly disgusted at her.

Back in secondary school, SSS2, Bisola had decided to take her relationship with God seriously. She began having consistent quiet times of bible study, meditations and prayers. There was a longing, she was excited about studying God’s Word and having Him speak to her. It was always an amazing and refreshing experience. 

During one of those her quiet times, she came across Roman 12:1, about her body being a living sacrifice, that day she had made an oath to cease from touching herself and interacting with her secret favourite sites. But soon enough the habitual alarm rang and she yielded before she could even remember she had made an oath. Overwhelmed with defeat and guilt, she made a radical decision to confide in her senior friend and discipler, it didn’t change much, maybe because she wasn’t completely honest about how deep she was in her secret sin. Discouraged she had begun to drift away from God’s presence, her guilt hung on her like a heavy cloak. She wasn’t excited about much. This continued through secondary school till now. 

Immediately after meals, she'd hurry off to her room, engage in these acts that had now made a slave of her, go on to bury herself in her bed consumed with guilt, shame, pain, frustration and anger. She felt miserable and cried all her energy out. She was extremely tired of herself. Last night was just another of those nights and as usual she woke with the heavy guilt.

Good news came in later that day, Bisola Akande had been offered admission into the prestigious University of Ibadan! The joy in the house was palpable and Bisola’s smile did not dim the whole day. She was genuinely excited about school; her expectations were over the roof. 

Two months later Bisola had comfortably settled into her dorm room with three other female students. Susan was a freshman like herself, Aanu and Gloria were in their penultimate and final years respectively. But these girls were wild, and very unreserved in their speech. From their random conversations Bisola had learned that those tingling sensations were just hormones acting up and they even boldly joked about how they masturbate as the need arise to keep their bodies in homeostasis, “Body no be fire wood!” they laughed. Bisola listening to them in silence knew deeply that it was high time she sought help for herself, else she would drown in this because now she had enablers all around.

She began attending the Jesus People’s Fellowship on campus. She rededicated herself to God and took a form to take a basic Bible class organized by the fellowship. She learnt quickly and grew fast. She began walking in the light of God’s Word daily. She also was paying more heed to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

At Bible class, there was so much emphasis laid on engaging the Holy Spirit and so she had started to pray more, study more, learning to hear and engage the Holy Spirit.

Yet, she was still heeding the habitual alarm.
 
During one of her prayers, Leviticus chapter 6 dropped in her spirit. Bisola was reluctant, generally she didn’t like the Old Testament. She tried to shove the thought away but it lingered. It was the Holy Spirit. The scripture stayed on her mind for days, eventually she heeded.

She opened to Leviticus 6 and read passively, it seemed like a long list of series of rituals and she felt bored. Old things are passed away she affirmed to herself and closed her Bible to pray. The Spirit took her back. She then calmed down and started to read from verse 1. When she got to verse 12, she was struck. The Holy Spirit opened her eyes, light shone brightly and oh! She saw! The scripture was like an act played out and she fitted in perfectly.

Leviticus 6 verse 12 and 13.
“And the fire upon the altar shall be burning in it; it shall not be put out: and the priest shall burn wood on it every morning and lay the burnt offering in order upon it; and he shall burn thereon the fat of the peace offerings. The fire shall keep on burning upon the altar; it shall never go out.”

She saw an altar and she stood as a priest. She was offering sacrifice and burning fat. She was confused. If she was the priest, what was the altar? The Holy Spirit responded immediately. Her eyes were opened. The altar was her personal prayer and study life. The fat was her life. Romans 12 verse 1 came up again in her heart and she remembered she being a living sacrifice but for this sacrifice to be acceptable to the owner, she needed to burn the sacrifice always. It had to be continuous because the fat could rot and spoil the whole sacrifice if not burnt daily. Prayer was the fire and consistency the key.

When Bisola had seen and understood all of these things, she broke down in tears of joy and peace, she knew she had her answer. She prayed for strength, help and grace to daily consecrate herself. She remembered she had heard Apostle Arome Osayi say, “A praying man doesn’t sin”. She also frequently heard Minister Theophilus Sunday emphasize something about staying with God.

From that moment she was always eager to preform her priestly duties. Morning and night she prayed, studied God’s Word and grew fat in spirit. She had come to an understanding of her place and power in Christ which gave her authority over the desires of the flesh. When the tingling sensations came, and they did come, she felt strengthened in her spirit to ward of the temptation by prayer and singing to herself in spiritual songs.

Years passed and Bisola still kept at her priestly duties. These days when she remembers the tingling sensation episodes, she lets out a victory laugh, the Devil had indeed lost! 

She committed to talking to young people especially those in secondary and tertiary institutions about having “burning altars”. She always spoke and taught about the tingling alarm too. With the Holy Spirit’s back up, she regularly gave expositions on Leviticus 6 verse 12 and 13. It liberated many.

She had enlarged Leviticus 6 verse 12 and 13, it hung in frames at strategic points in her home. It was made plain that anybody who sees it may run with the vision. Through Bisola’s ministrations in schools, lives were transformed through the understanding of having a “burning altar” and she never ceased to keep a “burning altar”. In her moments of weakness, God’s strength was perfect in her.

Altars have been raised, altars with burning fire to purge lives and present them as living sacrifices unto God. The fire on these altars will not die. We will keep them burning brightly, we are just getting started. We will continually tend to our altars by the help of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus Name, Amen!