Ceaseless Fire by Pearce Pelumi

 

Ceaseless Fire by Pearce Pelumi

"Ohhhhhh!"

"Why does she keep running AWWAY?" I yelled to my laptop screen for the gazillionth time on a raining cold night in Ekiti.     The voices from the characters in the movie echoed in my room. A bit of fear gripped me as I hoped it wasn't too loud for my Dad to hear downstairs.    Thoughts of him slapping me into slumber played out in my head, so I quietly pulled my duvet over my head so it could cover me and my laptop.     "I am done with this movie." I said. The female character in the movie - Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, ran away again, literally back to her sinful ways because she felt she wasn't worthy of having a happy family.    A little voice whispered in my ear, "Aren't you just like that?"    Guilt gripped my heart as I began to slowly give in to sleep...   

The music was so loud in my ears that I could barely think of telling my friend I wasn't in
the mood to dance. Yes, we were at a club. And how old were we?  

19 years old. The voice of my Mom kept ringing in my head as I took another shot of tequila. "Moyin, ensure to bring out your church cloth, so we won't be late for service." But here I was in a bar at 2am on a Sunday morning with a couple of friends. I planned to leave soon, but I just don't know why I am still here.    I whispered that it was time for us to leave to my friend, Kemi, but she seemed to be having a good time.    So I picked up my bags and thanked God for Uber. I requested a ride and headed home.    I know you are wondering how a Nigerian 19-year-old could be out so late. Well, I failed JAMB twice, and trust me, I have never been book smart prior to this time.   

I struggle to understand things being taught in class no matter how hard I try. My father might be a Deacon and well respected, but I am just the daughter he dislikes taking to church. That's why I go out on Saturday nights to induce myself with so much fun that I can hardly notice the side comments like "You’re still attending JAMB lessons?" Sneaking in and out of the house is super easy if you live in a house with many doors that lead to the back entrance.

Read: 6 Types of Nigerian Christians You Would find on a Bus

As usual, I had my bath, dressed up, and by 8am, we were all on our way to church. I picked a back seat just in case I couldn't hold back the urge to sleep, but within me, I felt the sensation to listen during today's sermon. The newly transferred Pastor always had a way of making everyone listen while he preaches, but today it felt different, or maybe it was just a few leftover alcohols in my veins. His sermon was anchored on Leviticus 6, how Moses spoke to the Israelites to cleanse themselves from sin.   

I scoffed and said under my breath, "Can anyone actually get rid of their sinful nature?"  

Don't get me wrong. I believe God exists, and I have tried to live a life clean from sin, but I just keep running back to them no matter how hard I try. I am a heavy drinker (I got introduced to it at an Uncle's party). I don't do drugs and those weed stuff.  But I can't help cutting myself. That explains why I am always on a long sleeve shirt every day. It's my little source of escape. It's my safe space, where I come to terms with my pain.

Of late, I am afraid I might take it to the extreme as it seems to not be working as it used to.  Suicidal thoughts are the new order in my damaged mind. I was pulled back to service as the Pastor said, "The reason why you get in and out of your state of oneness with God is your inconsistency in your devotion life. YOU NEED TO KEEP THE FIRE BURNING!", he shouted at the congregation.  And then his eyes met mine  

I felt chills down my spine, then he said, still holding my gaze, "Let Leviticus 6:12 be your guide. Sin has no strong hold on you. It is your inconsistency in your devotion. Make time for him and you will be amazed at the person he would mould you into."                                 
       
The service ended relatively early. 

With ear buds fitted in my ears, I walked towards the car and sat.  In silence, I replayed the words of the Pastor even though the explicit lyrics of Nicki Minaj's ‘Anaconda’ hit my eardrums.  
"Snap!"  
I yelled as I remembered JAMB results would be coming out today.  
Before I could complete my trail of thoughts, my dad opened the car door and said," Have you checked your JAMB result?"  

"I haven't."  
"I will check it now, Sir" I responded.  

The trip back home was the quietest we have ever had as a family. My mom would probably be singing the song rendered during the choir ministration. I am always amazed as to how well she remembers things. That explains why she is a Director at her hospital. 

As I clicked on the JAMB website, the page took forever to load. When it finally loaded, I shut my eyes and asked God for mercy as I really just wanted to make my parents happy.  
"Have you seen it?", my dad interrupted as he drove.  
"It is loading, sir", I said back to him.  
I looked at the screen again, and my heart sunk.  "Uhmm… I didn't pass, sir", I said with fear.  
The car suddenly came to a halt.  

"Let me see!", my dad shouted. He pulled out my phone from my hand without any approval.  
"How can you get 20 over 100 in all the papers you sat for?!", he said so sternly.  
He sighed and then all of a sudden, he threw my phone out of the window.   
My mom and I gasped.  We both went silent, not saying a word out of shock.  

I got home, went to my room, and pulled out a bottle of Hennessey which I had hidden for a while.  
I locked my room door and cried as I drank.  

A few minutes later, the suicidal thought came and I didn’t wave it off this time. I reached for my Math Set and pulled out the compass. I let the compass cut so deep into my skin as I laughed in pain.  
Blood began to flow down my arm staining my cream rug.  I began to feel dizzy.  
As I drifted off, the Pastor's words began to slip into my mind. "You will be amazed at the person he would mould you into."  

Those were the very last words I remembered as everything turned pitch black.                                                   

2 months later  

“Thank you Jesus, for a splendid day you have made. I am grateful for the gift of life."
I say these words almost every time when I start my 5am morning prayers.  
I cherish this moment so much that I am super addicted to it now. Ever since I attempted to end it all, I realized the need to stay daily on the altar of constant devotion.  
I have stopped going to the club, and the thirst for alcohol or cutting myself has seized since I let the Holy Spirit take over my daily actions.  

After praying, I usually go about my daily chores, but I got the nudge to open my email today. I scanned through the dozen emails till one popped out of the rest. The subject read, "We would love to have you in our academy."  

It was a mail from a writing academy in London I applied for a year ago informing me of my acceptance. I screamed.  

"Mo gbe!", I heard my Dad scream from his room.  "I told you we should not let this girl stay in her room alone.”, my father's voice sounded much clearer as I could hear them walk fast to my room.  
“Moyin, what happened?" my Mom said as she opened the room door with fear.  
I showed them the email on my new iPhone that Dad bought just last week.  
As usual, my Mum began to sing the song ministered by the choir the previous Sunday while my dad inspected and scanned the email thoroughly.  

The familiar voice of the Pastor echoed again in my head, "keep the fire burning and you will be amazed…"  
 

 

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  1. Awesome write up!

    She deserves to win...

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  2. very intriguing and fascinating writeup!
    Great one !
    Such a beautiful piece deserves the win!

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  3. I am really astounded by this amazing writing style, she deserves to win this !!

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  4. Well done, Pearce! We're totally rooting for you.

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  5. This is really good though. You can tell how serious the situation surrounding the characters are and the way the tension doesn't even subside even two months after

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  6. Definitely worth my time….

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  7. The reckless love of Jesus, it always finds us out

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  8. This is really nice. I genuinely smiled at the end. Good work

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  9. This is a beautiful story, I like how it shows the transformation from life before understanding the need for consistency, to life after. Good job!

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  10. Beautifully crafted story. We need more of these hope filled messages. Thank you for stepping up.

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  11. Wow, I enjoyed reading this piece! Well done, girl

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  12. This is a great piece, congratulations on winning in advance

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  13. Amazing work

    This is brilliant

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  14. Very inspiring, thanks for reminding hope is not lost

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  15. This is a beautiful writeup.. You are going places

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  16. Powerful write up Pelumi. I am proud of you.

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  17. Akinwale Ajetunmobi15 March 2022 at 14:59

    Amazing !! This is a brilliant write up

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  18. Okay this was actually very interesting. Wonderful work from the Author.

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  19. Wooooww... Amazing piece

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  20. This work is can only come from a master mind

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  21. I almost cried. Thank you so much for this beautiful story

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  22. Her father didn't need to throw away are phone like that na. I love every intense moment

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  23. A current story for our time. Well done Pelumi

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  24. A consistent devotion with Christ is needed daily

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  25. Reading this gave me peace of mind

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  26. We need of this hope filled stories. Great Dear

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  27. what a wonderful piece of writing so inspiring

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  28. This is a very nice write up and she does deserve to win

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  29. A beautiful piece 😍

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  30. I was blessed by this story. GREAT WORK GIRL!

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  31. Ehiorobo Byllion22 March 2022 at 13:27

    Wonderful piece

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  32. I love this!!!! Very inspiring.

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  33. Amazing write up πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

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  34. Amazing work Pelumi! Let's win this����❤

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  35. A story worth sharing☹️��

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  36. Wonderful piece Pearce

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  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. Great one Pelumi ����

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  39. A message for our generation

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  40. Wonderful piece of writing that has impacted my life and left me inspired

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  41. This is a beautiful piece of work that keeps you expectant all through. You just want to know how it would all end. Nice work!

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  42. Kept reading to the very end����

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  43. Beautiful pieceπŸ”₯πŸ”₯

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  44. Amazing write up

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  45. Nice one Pearce

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  46. This is an Amazing Write Up
    It really helped me

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  47. This is actually a down to earth and amazing write up. Keep it up

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  48. We need more of these kind of pieces. They inspire change. Brilliant work dear

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  49. Beautiful Piece. The message was well delivered

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  50. This is a very outstanding writeup i loved the word construction

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  51. Awesome write-up
    Really been blessed.

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  52. Amazing piece

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  53. Amazing and sincere

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  54. An expression of a mind dishing out an exceptional level of creativity. ��

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  55. Heartily thought. Impactful. Valuable and tangible.

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  56. The mind of great writer, I'm privileged to experience. ��

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  57. Lovely write up. She deserves to win this

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  58. Favour Adedamola23 March 2022 at 05:40

    Amazing and very insightful. The story really spoke to me. Thank you Pearce for such an amazing write up!!!. She deserves to win

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  59. Beautiful coordination! Go Pearce! You've got this!

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  60. Super super amazing piece, Pearce!

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  61. Awesome piece. Well done pearce

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  62. WOW, Thank you for writing and sharing this Pelumi. Beautifully capturing the times, and the way out. I really hope you win this! God bless you.

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  63. Lovely work, this deserves a win

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  64. Super amazing !

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  65. An amazing mind just made a vehicle out of exceptional creative thoughts ready to drive any reader to being better.

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